And here is why:

Image for post
Image for post
Stupidly unrelated pic by Ivana Cajina on Unsplash

I am absolutely exhausted of seeing loads of articles about how to write (which would probably benefit me), what to write about (which is just dumb, you should have a what before you start, why start otherwise?) and a long list of tips about how to write for the reader AND I AM DONE WITH IT.

I am not here to please you in any way, shape, or form. I am here to talk about the shit that bothers me (and my friends have threatened me to gosth me if I keep ranting about it). This is the only honest reason (besides having a more tangible way to be sort-of-constant at writing). …

What The Social Dilemma didn’t tell you

Image for post
Image for post
Photo by Sayan Ghosh on Unsplash

Unless you are living under a rock, you have heard of the social dilemma, the new documentary Netflix released about how social media is destroying our life, and a worldwide invitation to have a conversation about it.

There’s been quite a lot of meditation before this story got written. And the price for this is that, as a fast consuming society, this will be late and will probably be outdated by the time it comes out. Nonetheless, perhaps it’s still worth writing and perhaps it will still be worth reading.

The overall documentary is quite good, there is a lot of criticism attached to it, but we will not be discussing it in this story since other writers have already sectioned its content and doing something twice is dumb.

And I like it.

Image for post
Image for post
Photo by Oleg Didenko on Unsplash

This is not about men being intimidated by me, by my wealth (or lack thereof) nor because of my strength or because I’m bossy or successful. I have none of those attributes. I don’t even interact with men in a sexual manner (most of the time). The men that know me, that are close to my circles of friendships fear me because for the last of my adult years I’ve been consistently limiting their behavior.

Let me explain, I’m a feminist, I’ve been since I was sixteen, and even before that, I came from a background where we had more knowledge of feminism than the average. I’m extremely aware of what consensus means and what is absolutely unacceptable. I (and the friends that surround me) have a zero-tolerance policy. This has meant that on more than one occasion the privileges of the men that socialize with me and my friends have been taken away. …

Or what chronic monogamous can take away from an open relationship self-proclaimed expert

Image for post
Image for post
Photo by Sinitta Leunen on Unsplash

I’m 25 and never been in a monogamous relationship. Well that’s a lie, the first relationship I had was, technically, close, but we still dragged other people in the imagination realm of our sex life. We would talk about who we found hot and would like to invite join us, technically we only had sex with each other, but I’m not sure if everyone would categorize it as monogamous.

That being said, if there’s one thing in my life I’ve become a master of, that would have to be handling jealousy in romantic relationships. …

November’s Update

Image for post
Image for post
Photo by Christian Lunde on Unsplash

Do you know what’s the best thing about not sharing my name here? About being completely unknown and having this little cacoon outside my real world? That I can mess up. I can mess it up as much as I want and there are no consequences.

Unlike life. Where it’s about concealing everything that’s being felt and making it look like it’s just fine. And I know, everyone will be screaming and shouting “do what you like” “give up this life if you aren’t content with it” yeah sure, but that’s not so much my situation. There are moments where you are getting from one place to another. That’s where I am. …

And why is so hard to stop

Image for post
Image for post
Photo by Spencer Davis on Unsplash

There’s no such thing as emotional neoliberalism, it’s a term used in my circles, so I’ll try to introduce it with a proper definition:

Emotional neoliberalism


Creation of relationships that are only worth investing in if the benefits you get for your own are greater than the inversion in time, emotional involvement, and affection you pour into them.

We know relationships are hard, we have already been bombarded with “10 tips to have better relationships”, “How to get out of a toxic friendship”… But what about how do we choose to create relationships?

Boyfriends and girlfriends you can tell them to fuck off, but friends are a long-term commitment. You have got to stick around in their shittiest moment if you see a spark of the chance they will get over it. Or perhaps not, perhaps you should flea relationships as soon as they become slightly dysfunctional and it’s way too much energy to work on them. …

I need other’s acceptance.

Image for post
Image for post
Photo by Felix Rostig on Unsplash

Some weeks ago I published a story titled “No Sex in a Year” and got this response

Not judging, but I am distrurbed by this story. It seems childish, irresponsible and narcissistic. No moral compass. No self-reflection. An careless, outward dependency on others for self esteem. Telling "a friend I havent seen for awhile I havent had sex for months," is just one example in this essay of some hidden issues Im afraid. Of course, I am old and so are my values.

I really, really wanted to answer it, but I felt it needed a well-thought response and a way too complex one to cram in the comment section, so here I am, writing a story about it. …

And not feel utterly overwhelmed

Image for post
Image for post
Matt D’Avella thumbnail for this video

These days everyone is doing 12-month challenges. Matt D’Avella for example did one last year that went “viral”.

The habits he tackled were: Exercise, eat more veggies, read, drink water, stop buying stuff, meditate, build routines, passion project, declutter, journal, wake up early, quit social media.

But there is something we might be getting wrong when we do this. You give yourself a set of rules that remain unchanged during the 30 days. But how can you know what rules will work? If you stick to journaling for 30 days but you don’t keep it up the rest of the year, is it still a win? Isn’t a 12 month back to back challenge a bit too much? Is it still valuable if you end up hating the habit you tried to stick? …

How to deal with it

Image for post
Image for post
Photo by Womanizer WOW Tech on Unsplash

The last time I had sex was the 3rd of October of 2019. It ended up with assault. I asked him to wear a condom multiple times, he ignored me and played it as if he was “getting confused”. I was drunk and I guess I got tired of asking after 10 times of doing so. We will not discuss whether it was or not an assault, it certainly felt like such.

Since then I’ve been with no one else. Before the incident, I had spent the summer with a girl I fell in love with. And I think she ruined sex with me. I no longer enjoy just-sex for the physical part of it, and the one time I tried it resulted in the disgusting picture I just painted. …

It’s an evolution.

Image for post
Image for post
Photo by piyush dubey on Unsplash

Everyone seems to be scared of death. You either push the uncomfortable feeling deep inside or pretend your “alive” state is a persistent one that won’t ever change. But perhaps this relationship can be reframed with the help of the concept of suicide and getting to feel what it would be like.

Suicide has always been something I’ve considered. In various forms. At 14–15 I tried to cut my wrists -barely manage to make a scratch-, the day after I realized it was a cry for attention, also realized that what was the cry for attention wasn’t so much the action but the knowledge of it and then I decided to never tell anyone so I wouldn’t give the action any power. …


North Black

If I become likable it will be a huge failure, it will mean I no longer shake you in any way, shape, or form. Pic courtesy of Christopher Campbell.

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store