My wisdom tooth hurts.
This was written as it was being felt. It’s a way to soothe and a place to be an absolute child over what I was going through.
So my wisdom teeth are coming out. I’m 26, quite late on the game, but they are finally here. They hurt a lot. It’s not just that they hurt is that the pain makes me irritable, anxious, and wanting to tell everyone around me to shut up. I keep taking pills, putting on ice to numb it but nothing makes it go away for good.
I’ve figured this can go one for a while. I don’t know how much longer, I don’t know if it will get more painful. But I am quite sure that popping pills and distracting myself with sitcoms isn’t helping the situation. It might seem like it is, but it ain’t. The distraction method only allows for anxiousness to build up and become unmanageable (or harder to tackle).
I’m ignoring the pain and I need to sit with the pain and feel it. It’s there, it doesn't seem like it’s going anywhere and, as one of mine favorite people on this world (my flatmate) says:
Struggle is an opportunity to dig on something you’ve got to improve in your life. And when you don’t figure it out, when you don’t manage to face it, the struggle will come back until you understand and learn what it has to teach you.
When she says it, it pisses you off. Because you know she is not feeling the pain, just observing it, and it’s quite easy for her to give advice she doesn’t have to follow. But, honestly, she tends to be right.
So, about my pain… It’s not so much the pain, but the anxiousness that it builds up. I’m going to try to sit down and just feel it for five minutes.
Done. I swear I’ve allowed five minutes to go by.
I’ve realized I also do another thing. I tell myself that I have to blow my nose. It’s not true. I’m obstructing the nose myself by pushing the top of my mouth up. I’m creating a need that has never been there. If I try to let go, air goes through and the impulse of needing to blow my nose disappears.
Damn am I dumb. I mean the situation sucks, a lot, but not as much as I am making my self suffer.
I’ve also realized that I’m clenching my teeth. I let them go and some of the wisdom tooth pain disappears.
I've come up with the following system:
When it hurts, when I get mad to the people around me for being annoying, talking too loud, or just touching me, I’ll remind myself it’s a freaking challenge, it’s an opportunity to work through anger and build more tools to cope with it. I don’t always succeed, and until I haven’t figured out how to calm myself in an extremely painful and uncomfortable situation, I will keep facing this approach. Mainly because once I’ve figured it out it won’t seem as painful nor as uncomfortable, it will just be something annoying, but I’ll have the tools to cope with it.
And it’s funny. It’s not the physical pain that bothers me. It’s how the physical pain it’s getting inside my head and becoming a nervous tic. Anxiousness, irritability and impulses that generate more pain.
And I’ve just caught myself scratching at the same spot over and over until it starts bleeding and I keep on scratching. I don’t know why I guess it’s the need to let the mental pain go away.
I am aware it doesn’t help. I am aware it just makes it worst. But I keep myself on this cycle, in hopes it relieves me.
As said, I’ll go ahead and try to focus on the system: observe and don’t act. Basically try to meditate while feeling the pain, cause girl if you got this, you’ve got meditation.
Went to the dentist two days after, it happened during a weekend and it wasn’t too bad to go to urgent care, even less during COVID. The pain went on for four days (at it’s most intense) and two and a half less intense pain days with meds that desinflamed the area so I could eventually get surgery.
I was astonished at how many physical sensations can drive you insane in a very short amount of time. I was astonished I did not have a clue on how to approach them right.