Yes, I am needy
Some weeks ago I published a story titled “No Sex in a Year” and got this response
Not judging, but I am distrurbed by this story. It seems childish, irresponsible and narcissistic. No moral compass. No self-reflection. An careless, outward dependency on others for self esteem. Telling "a friend I havent seen for awhile I havent had sex for months," is just one example in this essay of some hidden issues Im afraid. Of course, I am old and so are my values.
I really, really wanted to answer it, but I felt it needed a well-thought response and a way too complex one to cram in the comment section, so here I am, writing a story about it.
I think I get where he is coming from, and to some degree, I can understand his points and perhaps even agree, but the sentence that blew my mind was “outward dependency on others for self-esteem”.
When did depending on others for self-esteem become something bad?
I need other’s approval to be happy, I don’t know how can I go about my life without it. Perhaps it’s not a sexy idea, since we are all soo sucked up on the independence narrative, but I just don’t buy it. I need friends to like what I do and encourage me through it.
Granted, that if my friends didn’t align with my values I would lookout for new friends, but I’m bound to (eventually) find people with whom I share a world view and I can walk through life. Otherwise, why live at all?
Why do we feel anxious when we are isolated?
The main problem we are having nowadays is obesity. We are unable to regulate ourselves with food. Why? Well, we are designed to prefere calory desne foods (such as junk food) because we were designed in a space with food scarcity. Now we don’t have such scarcity, but we have worked faster to change our environment than our brains have been unable to keep it up.
This is why when we fear we are going to become isolated from a group of people we become anxious. Back to when we were hunter-gatherers isolating yourself from the group was a death sentence. Click here for more insight into these concepts.
Being needy is not pathetic, it’s brave.
Having built a ned of people who care enough for you to listen to your most vulnerable moments is priceless. Lacking to give importance to others would lead me to the most horrible of depressions I really wish not to feel.
Being needy is what we are designed to be, it’s okay and it’s something to aspire to.
Obviously, I am young and so are my values.
Thanks to James Gerboc for inspiring this story.